Love is a Stinky Fish
by Dynast Grauscherra
Summary: This is a different take on the koi fishing rod incident: Ranma is challenged to a fishing competition unfortunately for him, the fishing rod he bought turns out to be cursed. Lots of chaos and hijinks ensue...


LOVE IS A STINKY FISH

Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction by Mr. End

~Disclaimer~ All rights to the Ranma 1/2 characters belong to Rumiko

Takahashi. Since this work is merely a stupid little piece of fanfiction

and not one created to make a profit, I am hoping that no one will be so

mean as to sue me. That would suck.

-NOTES- This is a divergence story with a different take on the events of the Koi Fishing

Rod Incident. 

----------------------------------------------

Ranma marched down the darkened streets, the rage inside his body threatening to spill out with each angry step he took. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists as his mind played 

back the events that had happened only a few hours ago.

The long school day was over when, after sending Kuno on an all-expenses-paid trip to the moon, Ranma and Akane began their trek home. The day was getting late, and the sun was on 

a slow descent towards the horizon. Night was arriving and everyone was glad that they had

survived another dangerous day at Nerima. 

As soon as Ranma and Akane stepped through the threshold of Furinkan High's open gates, a movement caught Ranma's eye. He glanced backwards and saw a large harpoon sailing through the air towards them. In the blink of an eye, the young martial artist managed to pluck up Akane and leap away to safety. The harpoon then impaled the area where the two had been standing only a few moments ago. Ranma landed several feet away, with a scowling fiancée in his arms.

"You alright?" he asked her. 

Akane's fist connected with his face in response. She swiftly hopped out of his arms and 

straightened out her dishelved uniform. 

"I'm fine." She paused for a moment before adding, "Thanks."

"Don't mention it," Ranma retorted sarcastically, irritation evident in his voice as he rubbed his sore jaw. "Dumb tomboy."

"What was that?" asked the girl threateningly.

A goofy laugh made the two turn around. Standing behind them was a rather over-weight kid about their age, wearing a fisherman's outfit and sporting a fake mustache. He had a straw fish basket strapped to his hip, and held a rather long fishing pole in his left hand. A straw hat and thick glasses completed the look, which overall made the boy look like a cross between a chubby Tom Sawyer and a deranged Gordon's Fisherman. 

"So..." the boy said after his laughing fit stopped. His voice sounded nasal, as if he were speaking through the large, bulbous nose on his face. "You must be the famed Ranma Saotome. Your skills are truly amazing; it takes a true martial artist to have dodged my harpoon attack like that! You are indeed a worthy adversary for me to defeat!"

"Um, Ranma?" asked Akane. "Wh-who is this guy?"

Ranma scratched his head and shrugged. "Beats the heck outta me."

The scene was attracting much attention, and soon a large crowd of students and faculty had formed around the three. Fights on school ground had become an almost daily occurrence at Furinkan High School, and many enjoyed watching the super-powered martial artists go at it.

The fisher boy growled and shook his fist. "Ingrates! Don't you know who I am??"

"Even if we did know, I bet he's going to tell us anyway…" whispered one bystander to another.

The newcomer raised his fist into the air in a dramatic pose, while cherry blossoms rained down form nowhere. "I am Captain Karp!! Renowned master of the Malayan Fisherman's Guild School of Undisciplined Martial Arts!"

The sound of crickets was audible during the silence that followed.

"Listen up," said Ranma, breaking the silence, "I don't care who you are, pal. You can be the king of Spain for all I care. What really bugs me, though, is you throwin' around crap like that stupid harpoon!" Ranma pointed behind him towards the giant harpoon sticking out of the ground. "You coulda hurt somebody, you idiot!" Akane nodded in agreement.

Captain Karp merely laughed at the statement. "All's fair in love and war, Saotome!" With those words, he pointed his left hand at Ranma, the end of the fishing pole aimed at his head. "I formally challenge you!"

"Fine by me!!" Ranma screamed, and flung himself at the other boy.

Karp yelped in surprise and tried to back away. Unfortunately for him, the other boy was too fast; a quick kick sent the fisherman flying backwards, his momentum stopped only by a nearby wall. Captain Karp made a loud splatting sound upon impact. His body seemed to stick to the wall for a few seconds before slowly sliding down to the ground. There were many audible moans of sympathy coming from the audience; that HAD to hurt.

"Ranma!" shouted Akane. "You could have killed him!"

Ranma scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. "Aw, jeeze. How was I supposed to know he'd be a wus? I mean, every new guy who's challenged me so far's been pretty tough."

"Curse… you…." The captain slowly stood up from his prone position. His fake mustache fell off his face, and his fishing pole lay battered next to him. "What'd you do that for, you cretin?"

"Hey! Shut up!! You're the dope who challenged me, remember?"

Karp clenched his fist in anger, while the other lay against the wall to support him. "You didn't let me finish!!" He took a deep breath before straightening himself up. "What I was going to say was that I challenge you to this year's Martial Arts Fishing Competition!"

There were many scratchings of the head and sighs within the crowd, as well as a few murmured "not again"s. No one was in the particular mood for another insane contest involving the district's local martial arts hooligans, not to mention the out-of-town whacko that were sure to arrive for the competition. Insurance rates were high enough in Nerima, after all.

"Martial Arts Fishing Competition?" asked Akane, obviously confused.

"Never heard of it," stated Ranma simply.

Karp was furious. "Never heard of it??!!" He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes. His fists shook in furious wrath. "And you call yourself a martial artist!" The boy sighed and calmed before continuing. "I shall forgive your ignorance, if only once. Now listen up! The Annual Martial Arts Fishing Competition has been held every year for the past two thousand years by all of the world's fishermen. Each year they hold a tournament to find the best fishermen in the land, those few fishermen whose skills at catching fish are unrivalled in all the seven seas!!" During his speech, the mysterious cherry blossoms began to fall once again. "This year's event is being held right here in Nerima…"

"Err…" interrupted Ranma, "How do martial arts fit into this competition?"

"Oh. Well one day this martial artist showed up, so the organizers began to call it a 'martial arts competition.'"

Everyone within the immediate vicinity face faulted. 

"YOU MEAN THEY JUST DECIDED TO CALL IT A MARTIAL ARTS CONTEST??" shouted Ranma.

Karp shrugged. "Well, yes. It brought out more press."

Ranma began to get annoyed; he hated having his time wasted, especially by wanna-be martial artists. "Is there even martial arts involved in this thing?"

"Err… of course. It takes true skill to be a martial arts fisherman."

The crowd began to disburse, seeing that there would be no cool fight to watch. Many sneered at the chubby fisherman; like Ranma, they hated having their precious time wasted.

Ranma sighed, shoved his hands into his pockets, and turned away from the Captain. "C'mon, Akane. Let's go. We've wasted enough time with this idiot." He then began to walk away from the scene.

"Uh, okay." Akane turned and began to follow.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going?!" Karp shouted. Ranma didn't break his stride to answer. After a few moments, Karp crossed his arms and smiled smugly. "Oh. I see… you're afraid."

His words stopped Ranma cold. Akane saw this and muttered a curse under her breath.

"What did you say?" Ranma asked, a twinge of anger in his voice.

Karp merely laughed. "I knew it; you're nothing but a coward. You're far too afraid of me to accept my challenge! You're backing out!"

"Hey!!" Ranma screamed. "Ranma Soatome ain't afraid of nothin! Especially not a weasel like you!"

Karp laughed. "So, do you accept?"

"Fine! When's this contest?"

"In one week, at the canal bridge!!" Karp pointed a finger at his enemy, as if daring him not to show up.

"I'll be there!" with that, Ranma stormed off.

Akane gritted her teeth and followed.

"What were you thinking, you idiot?" Akane's face was reddened in rage and frustration. She glared at the pig-tailed boy walking next to her on the sidewalk. It always annoyed her to know what a stubborn moron Ranma was. The fool seemed to accept any challenge given to him, no matter how stupid it seemed to anyone else. Any normal person would never waste their time with Karp and his moronic contest.

"Look, Akane…. He challenged me to a fight. I gotta accept." Even though the context of his words was certain, the way Ranma said them was not. To Akane, it seemed that even he was having doubts about the wisdom of accepting Karp's challenge. Maybe he did have some sense, after all…

"No, you look, Ranma," Akane stepped in front of him and pointed a finger in his face. Ranma stood stock still, glaring at the finger. "You always do this. Whenever some weirdo comes around looking for a fight, you always encourage them. Grow UP!!" Ranma started to say something, but Akane cut him off. "Honestly! You don't even know how to fish!!"

"Pop and I fished all the time!" Ranma screamed.

"How? You don't even own a fishing rod!" Akane screamed even louder.

"Real martial artists don't need no stupid fishin' rod!" Ranma crossed his arms in irritation and turned his eyes to the late afternoon sky. "Only brutish, uncute tomboys like you need to use a dumb pole to catch a stupid fish…"

Needless to say, Ranma was sent into low orbit after that remark.

Ranma sighed as the first few droplets of rain dropped from the sky. After a few minutes, the droplets became a torrent, which soaked his now female form. Ranma was in no mood to catch a cold, so she quickly took shelter under a nearby antique shop's tarpaulin. The redhead noted with annoyance the numerous holes in the canvas, allowing rainwater to drip onto her already drenched form.

She sighed sadly as the memories of earlier today replayed themselves in her mind. After a somewhat hard landing from the punt Akane had given him, Ranma had found himself a long way from home. By his estimates, it would take at least two hours for him to walk back to the Tendo Dojo. Muttering about how annoying life can be sometimes, he began his long trek in an angry mood. 

Now, it was pouring rain and the sun had set. Ranma was unsure of where she was exactly, as well the exact amount of time it would take to get herself home. Her stomach growled, causing her to whimper. Her empty belly suddenly made her realize that she was most likely going to miss dinner.

"This's all Karp's fault!" She muttered. "I'm gonna kick his butt at that contest. Make 'im sorry for bein' such a jerk! I'll teach him to make me late for dinner…"

"Ah, young lady… can I help you?"

The soft voice brought Ranma out of her musings. Standing at the shop's doorway was an old Chinese man wearing the stereotypical silk robes all the Chinese people in the world seemed to be wearing these days.Over his heart, emblazoned in silk, were the words "Mr. Po's Antique Items of Many Worths."

"Um… no," Ranma rung out the rainwater from the end of her shirt. " I'm just stoppin' here to get away from the rain. That ain't a problem, is it?"

"Oh, no. Not at all." The man smiled a friendly smile and motioned for the girl to enter his shop. "But please, come inside. It is so much warmer inside; much better than this cold sidewalk."

_Not to mention that I might find something to buy in there_, thought Ranma incredulously. She shrugged and followed the old man in.

The small shop was filled to the brim with old, battered items. Most of the goods seemed so ancient that she, for the life of her, could not figure out how anyone could make a living selling such worthless junk.

"So, um, young lady…" The old man looked at her pleadingly, his eyes expanding into a pouty puppy-dog gaze. "Do you see anything which might interest you?"

Ranma sighed in annoyance. _I knew it_, she thought. She glanced around the contents of the shop, uninterested at the goods but unable to meet at the old man's pitiful look. Suddenly her attention focused on something. Lying atop a pile of old and stained boxes was a fishing pole. Ranma picked up the item and examined its length.

_Hmmm… not too bad_, she mused. It was in pretty good shape. The wood seemed old, but strong. And the line was in excellent condition. 

"Are you interested in purchasing this wonderful tool?" asked the shopkeeper excitedly.

Ranma thought about it. She did need a fishing rod for the fight with Karp, and the thing didn't look too expensive. What the hell? "How much?"

The old man clapped his hands, delighted at the first sale he'd had in weeks. Which is why he did not realize until later that, up until this very moment, he had never seen the fishing pole before in his life.

The following week seemed to go by in a blur. Ranma, the effervescent martial artist that he was, trained for the upcoming competition round-the-clock. From sun-up till sundown, he would sit near the koi pond with his fishing pole practicing his tactics. Fortunately for the fish, the rod did not come with a hook. Since Ranma didn't wish to spend the money to buy one, he was forced to improvise. Taking a suction cup form one of Akane's Garfield the Cat plush dolls, Ranma was able to create a suitable (yet safe for the wildlife) fishing lure.

So, with politically correct fishing rod in hand, Ranma trained. He used his impressive accuracy and dexterity skills to fling the lure at the lazy fish, thus catching them in the suction cup. He would reel them in, and once that was done, throw the fish back in and start again. It was almost too easy, not a true challenge for one like him.

Except that now, whenever Ranma walked past the pond, the fish would look up at him longingly, with a gaze full of affection and devotion…

The day of the Two-Thousandth Annual Martial Arts Fishing Competition arrived with much fanfare. Well… not really. Actually, it did, but only with about as much a fanfare as one would expect from an annual fishing contest. In other words, there was a local marching band plus punch and pie.

The judges this year were Alfonso Ridorri, a fifty-three year old fisherman from Sicily, as well as… um… well... actually, Alfoso was it. There were supposed to be three judges, but since the rules said that the judges had to be humble fishermen, and since humble fishermen weren't all that wealthy, only Alfonso was able to afford the trip to Nerima. So this year, instead of three judges in the panel, only one would be available. 

Anyway, said judge was extremely pissed. He was pissed not only at the fact that he was the only judge at this year's event, but also at the fact that he had spent a lot of money to come to Japan, only to be stuck at a contest held at the banks of a lousy canal when he could be elsewhere seeing the sights.

Alfonso sighed. What was he doing here? He glanced around at the few spectators for the event, which numbered in the low tens and was composed mostly of the contestants' families. The old fisherman sadly wondered if the ancient Martial Arts Fishing Competition was always like this: a pathetic contest with pathetic prizes, full of pathetic kids trying to act like pathetic martial artist/fishermen. As far as he could remember, it had always been this way.

He remembered his father telling tales of the so-called "good old days" of the Contest, when real Martial Artists/Fishermen would travel from miles around to participate. The old codger was most insistent on the fact that the Contest's decline was due to the younger generation's lack of respect and discipline. Alfonso had always thought the old man was full of it, but now that he was an old man himself, he had started to believe most of the drivel.

He glanced at the "fight's" only two contestants: one, the ridiculously named "Captain Karp," and the other, a formidable looking boy by the name ofRanma Saotome. Each had his own strengths and weaknesses, to be sure, but Alfonso found that he could care less. The two were young, and like many his age he hated the young. Not because he envied their youth, or their boundless spirits, but because they were kids, and kids were damn annoying.

The old fisherman sighed again. Maybe the Contest would end soon. Then he can take up some sightseeing. His spirits began to brighten. Only a few more hours here, then he can spend the rest of the day doing whatever he wanted. Alfonso smiled, seeing the silver lining in his gray cloud.

_At least this year there are TWO contestants_, he said to himself.

Ranma stretched his muscles, getting each fiber of his being ready for the trials to come. He focused his mind as well as his body, trying to reach that blessed state of nothingness that would make him indestructible.

"So, Saotome… ready to lose?"

As expected, that indestructible sense of nothingness vanished in an instant. "SHUT UP, YOU FISH-FACED FREAK!!"

Captain Karp simply laughed his annoying nasal cackle, and walked away.

"Don't let him trouble you son," said Sound Tendo, his future father-in-law.

"Yes," said his father, who was standing next to his friend. "Never let your enemy gain the upper hand by causing you to anger. It shall be your downfall, boy…"

"Right." Ranma shook his head and walked to the edge of the canal with his fishing rod.

"Have fun, Ranma!" waved Kasumi.

"Remember, Ranma. Some of us have pitted money on the outcome of this event!" Nabiki smiled. Whether he won or lost, she would still make a profit from all the wagers her operatives were collecting from the Contest.

"Idiot," Akane muttered.

The Contest began shortly thereafter. The two combatants stood at the edge of the canal, overlooking the wide stretch of water between them and the other concrete edge on the far side. The water looked dirty and polluted, making Ranma wonder whether any fish lived in there at all.

The rules for the competition were simple: the first one to catch a fish won.

Ranma laughed at the simplicity of such rules. Winning would be a piece of cake. He had practiced all week at the Tendo's koi pond, and felt confident he had mastered every move there was to catching fish. He grinned in anticipation, his victory as good as sealed.

As soon as the competition began, Ranma knew he was in trouble.

When the starting whistle blew signaling the beginning of the match, Ranma went into autopilot. He snapped his hand up, whipping the pole and line backwards behind him, ready to cast the lure out into the canal and secure his prey. Seconds passed, yet Ranma remained motionless. The Tendos could see something was wrong. Panic shone in his eyes, as the two orbs wildly danced around in their sockets. He seemed to be frantically in search of something in the water, but none of them knew what.

Ranma on the other hand knew what was wrong, and cursed his own stupidity. He wanted to smack his head, and would have done so if he were alone.

_Of course it was easy during training, stupid!_ He chided himself._The pond at home was small and clean, not big and mucky like the canal. You could see the fish in it; here everything under the water was hidden. Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

Ranma chanced a quick glance over at Karp. The other boy was sitting calmly at the edge of the canal, his line in the water, the lure bobbing up and down a few feet away from him. He had a serene look on his face, and a stupid grin under the fake mustache.

Ranma gritted his teeth and gripped the fishing pole tighter. He would not loose! Ranma Saotome never looses! He would rather die than loose to an obnoxious, stupid, chubby moron like Karp! 

With a scream of infinite rage, Ranma flung his line out into the water using all of his vast strength. The line sailed up into the sky, its silver sheen almost invisible against the blue…

Ryoga Hibiki trudged slowly across a familiar looking bridge. As usual, he was tired, angry, hungry, and lost.

"Where am I?" he thought. He took a look around, seeing familiar looking buildings and landmarks. Unfortunately, his mind could not place his surroundings with a name.

"Am I in Kobe?"

With a sigh, he continued on his eternal journey. The lost boy felt a familiar emotion building up inside of him: rage. There was only one person in this universe that was responsible for his misery, and when he found that certain someone, Ryoga was intent on showing him what suffering was all about.

Soon, Ranma. Soon you shall meet your maker…

Now…. If only he could find him.

Suddenly, Ryoga felt something latch onto his chest. He looked down to find the curious sight of a suction cup planted firmly above his heart. His eyes slowly narrowed in suspicion, and he spoke aloud the smartest thing he said in years.

"This can't be good," he said to himself.

A sudden yank from the suction cup pulled Ryoga off his feet and sent him sailing off the edge of the bridge. He screamed in fear and annoyance as his body fell like a rock into the cool, blue waters of the canal below.

"I caught a big one!" Screamed Ranma. He grinned widely as he used all of his strength to reel in his catch.

Everyone in the sidelines waited patiently, while Karp began to anxiously sweat. No one in the two thousand year history of the Martial Arts Fishing Competition had ever caught a fish in under six hours. Was Saotome that good?

As the seconds passed, Ranma began to note that his fish seemed to have become lighter. It didn't feel like the huge whopper it did before. He swallowed his disappointment, thinking that the catch had broken free. But wait, he felt a tug at his line! He still had something; he could feel the fish struggling against his pull. With increased effort, Ranma began to reel in his catch. Although it was much smaller than he had first thought, he felt that it didn't much matter. After all, the rules said that the first one to catch a fish won the match; they didn't state anything about the size of the catch.

With one final tug, Ranma brought his prey out of the water with a mighty splash. As his catch left the water, gasps of alarm and surprise rang out. 

"What the?!!" Ranma couldn't help but flinch, for there was no humble fish at the end of his line. Hanging in its stead was a little half-drowned black piglet wearing a yellow bandana around its neck. It hung on the line, unconscious, by the suction cup attached to its chest.

Ranma gritted his teeth at the unfairness of it all, and almost cracked a tooth when he heard Karp's annoying cackle sounding in the background. He so wanted to pound the little weasel…

The fact that Karp was laughing at him was quickly forgotten, as he felt something heavy and hard slam his head into the concrete.

"RANMA, LEAVE P-CHAN ALONE!!" he heard Akane shouting before everything faded to black.

Ranma returned to the land of the living some hours later to the pleasant news that he had won the contest. The lone judge had named him the winner right after he had caught P-Chan, but because of Karp's laughing and Akane's mallet, Ranma didn't hear the decision. He then asked how he could have won, since he caught a pig and not a fish. The judge, citing some obscure rule in the fisherman's law book, had ruled that pigs in rivers counted as fishes.

Sure, none of it made sense to Ranma. But at least he won, and that creep Karp didn't. And it was all legal, too.

Of course the true reasons for the young martial artist's victory was anything but legal. Apparently, Karp had been winning the event nonstop for the last seven years. This was mostly because he was the only contestant to ever enter the contest in all that time. Such a fact annoyed the contest committee to such a degree that they had agreed with themselves that as soon as another contestant entered the tournament, that person would win regardless of his/her skills. Alas, the outcome of the game was determined even before it had started.

Only one hitch had developed in their foolproof plan; in order to prevent suspicion of a conspiracy against Karp, the committee had wanted to keep the contest going until both boys caught a fish. Regardless the size of Karp's catch, the judge was to make up some excuse as to why it was unacceptable under the rules. Unfortunately, Alfonso ended the contest right after the Saotome boy caught that weird pig. The judge seemed to be in an awful hurry to end the contest for some reason.

Ranma sat at the dining table with a smug smile on his face. His trophy sat on the table next to him, its gold-lined tin surface shining with the setting-sun's rays. Seated around the table was the Tendo family, each member congratulating Ranma for his victory over Karp. All the members with the exception of Akane, of course.

"Hmph," she said, placing a weary eye on the trophy. "Since when is a pig swimming in a river considered a fish, anyway? If you ask me this whole thing smells fishy."

"Ha! You're just mad cuz I'm good at catchin fish and you ain't!"

Akane gritted her teeth and started to bring forth her hammer into the universe when Kasumi spoke up.

"Ranma! Akane!" she said sternly. "It's been such a nice day, please don't ruin it by fighting."

The two teenagers grudgingly nodded, then looked shamefaced down at the table. 

"Good!" The eldest Tendo sister stood up. "Let me go get supper!"

The meal went by with little being spoken between the two betrothed. Both sat quietly in their usual places next to each other. Without their bickering, dinner was unusually calm.

The serenity of the meal was interrupted by Ryoga's entrance. The lost boy had come in through the yard doorway with a puzzled look on his face. The look soon turned into one of jealous anger as his eyes beheld Ranma and Akane sitting together so civilly. He ground his teeth together and clenched his fists in front of him.

"Oh great," thought Ranma, it's pig boy. What'd I do now?

"Hey, P-Chan!" he said aloud. "What's up? I guess you wanna kill me now, huh?"

Everyone at the table looked back and forth between the two powerful martial artists. One seemed to be about to explode in rage, (as usual) while the other sat unfettered wearing an arrogant smile. (as usual)

"R-Ryoga?" Akane spoke up, trying to diffuse the situation. Hopefully, the lost boy wouldn't get violent. To everyone's surprise, it seemed to work.

Ryoga closed his eyes and calmed down a bit. He spoke in a neutral tone. "Ranma. I need to speak with you outside." He then turned around and went outside. Ranma followed him onto the roof.

"Well?" he asked. "What is it?"

The other boy turned his back on him to look at the setting sun. The late afternoon breeze blew his dark hair around the bandana he was wearing. He sighed sadly, seemingly depressed about something.

"Do you love her?" he asked, his tone dark and full of hurt.

"Wha-WHAT??" Ranma was absolutely confounded by the question. He had expected Ryoga to be argumentative and violent, not all hurt and creepy. He shook his head and turned his attention to the question asked. "Who, Akane? Why would I love such an uncute, violent, loud…"

Ryoga suddenly turned around, his face leaking happy tears. He sniffled briefly before replying, "I'm…. I'm glad to hear that. See you soon…"

With those words, the bandana-clad boy leaped away, disappearing into the sunset.

Ranma blinked in confusion before shrugging his shoulders. "Whatever."

He then jumped off the roof and into the house so he could further admire his trophy.

Ryoga was at this very moment happier than he had ever been in his life. 

_He didn't love her!! _

Akane would not be a problem. This meant that there was a chance, a chance that Ranma could have feelings for him!

The lost boy was light headed as he leaped from roof-top to roof-top, bliss leaking from every pore. He might have a chance! 

Ryoga had been so angry only a few moments before. One minute he was walking to Shinjuku, and then suddenly he found himself in the Tendo dining room looking at Ranma and Akane acting so civily. His blood boiled at the sight; he glared at the couple with envy, greatly wishing it were him seated next to Ranma instead of Akane.

But it didn't matter, because his beloved did not have feelings for the Tendo girl! Oh happy day!! Life is beautiful!! Oh glorious universe, thank you!!

Ranma Soatome, I love you! He wanted to scream the phrase aloud, but he knew he had to bide his time. He had to make sure Ranma felt the same way first.

"Oh, but he must! He must!!" Ryoga said to himself, tears leaking from his closed eyes. Life couldn't be that cruel as to deny him his one true desire, would it? "No! Ranma will love me! He will once he knows how deeply I feel!"

His eyes remained closed as he beheld his beloved in his mind, which is precisely why he didn't see the power lines in front of him.

Ranma was having a bad day. For some reason, the power to the entire block was out. This meant that Akane's alarm clock didn't go off, which further meant that she didn't wake up early enough to wake him. Thus, both of them had been late for class. 

As if this weren't enough, Ranma had found a strange package from Ryoga when he got home. Inside the carefully wrapped parcel was a heart-shaped box full of chocolates. At first he had thought that it was meant for Akane, but reading the card he saw that it was addressed to him.

"Maybe he poisoned them?" he said to himself. Ranma picked up a chocolate and sniffed at it. Neh, not his style. He shrugged and popped the treat into his mouth. "Ummm!! Not bad!"

The box of sweets was devoured in less than twelve seconds.

Three weeks passed before Ranma saw Ryoga again. In that time he had received numerous postcards from the lost boy detailing his travels. The words written down were warm and amiable, so unlike the challenge letters Ranma was used to getting from his rival. He had also noticed with a shudder that the messages always ended with "Love, Ryoga."

What was going on here? Did pig boy hit his head, or something? Ranma began to worry. Ryoga had been acting real weird since the day he won that fishing contest.

"That's it!" Ranma slammed his right fist onto the palm of his other hand. "It's some sort of psycho-lological warfare that idiot's using against me! Yeah, it all makes sense now. He'll freak me out, then use my confusion to gain the advantage over me when we fight!"

The young martial artist mentally congratulated himself for his fine skills of deduction. He was determined not to fall for Ryoga's tactics. However, a part of him wondered how the idiot could have come up with such a brilliant strategy to use against him.

Ranma was determined not to be phased by Ryoga's strange behavior. So, for three weeks he endured the post cards and presents sent to him by the lost boy via the postal service. By the time Ryoga had finally shown up, Ranma's patience had almost reached its limit.

He had been walking home from school one day when he heard a familiar voice call out his name. Ranma turned around to see Ryoga running towards him. 

_At last_, he thought. _The moment of truth! We're finally gonna fight!_

He grinned maniacally as he readied himself in a fighting stance. After weeks of humiliation, creepy letters, and rather tasty candy, the torment would now be over. He was going to give that creep Ryoga the beating of a lifetime!

Ranma stood on the street corner, awaiting the oncoming boy's attack. When it came, it took him completely by surprise.

"Ranma!!!" shouted Ryoga happily as he glomped onto the pig-tailed boy.

For some unknown reason, glomps, unlike other martial arts techniques, cannot be blocked. Nor can they be dodged, parried or countered in any way. And unless the glompee is a female, the glomper cannot be thrown off. Yes, the glomp is indeed a very deadly martial arts technique, one that Ranma had not yet managed to perfect. (Not that he wanted to.)

Under normal circumstances, Ranma's mind would have been boggled as to how Ryoga had managed to learn such a devastating technique, not to mention how he mastered it in such a short period of time. But alas, these are not normal circumstances; normal circumstances do not exist in Nerima. 

At the moment, all Ranma wanted to think about was a way of getting the fanged boy's hands off of his person.

"Get off me, ya goon!!" Ranma had managed to free his right arm from Ryoga's devastating embrace and began to smash it repeatedly onto the other's head.

"But, Ranma!" Ryoga whined, "I haven't seen you in weeks! I'm just so happy to see you!!!"

"What're ya babllin' about??!" Ranma was beginning to get nervous. Wasn't the idiot pushing this psycha-mahoozit warfare a bit too far?

The pig-tailed martial artist tried everything he could think of to break the lost boy's unrelenting grip on him. But Ryoga's massive strength, coupled with the devastation of the glomp technique, left his efforts in failure.

"Lemme go, you weirdo!" 

"But you said you loved me!"

"WHAT???" Now Ranma was frightened. Although he would never admit it, he was absolutely, knee-shaking, teeth rattlin' scared. "I-I-I-I said no such thing!"

Ryoga had a puzzled expression on his face. "Oh," he said dumbly before laughing nervously. "I guess I just dreamed that part, heheheheh…"

Ranma's eyes narrowed and his voice dropped dangerously low. "You think you can let go of me now?"

"Oh, heheh… right!" Ryoga let go of Ranma and broke out into a string of nervous laughter. "Sorry. I just hadn't seen you in a while, and well… you know! Hahahahahahaha…"

"NO I DON'T!!!" Ranma snarled. He then proceeded to beat the other boy into the concrete sidewalk. When the task was done, he patted the dust from his clothing and walked home.

Ryoga regained consciousness some time later, with a smile still on his face.

Ranma awoke two days later to the pleasant smell of cooking food. He smiled happily, his stomach growling in delight.

Following the encounter with Ryoga the two days ago, Ranma decided that a training trip was in order. After living through that strange incident, he really did not care much for a repeat performance. Therefore he chose to be scarce for a while, at least until the lost boy came back to his senses.

So leaving under the cover of night, Ranma made his way to the seclusion of the mountains. He made camp in a nice deserted clearing, not too far from a babbling brook, and extremely far away from any place the lost boy frequented. It was comfortable here, with the added bonus of the woods being a good training spot.

Hopefully, a week or two was all that was needed for Ryoga to regain his sanity. 

_Not that he had much of it to begin with_, thought Ranma bitterly.

As consciousness fully took hold of his mind, Ranma began to wonder at the source of the delicious aroma. He was in the middle of the mountains after all; there weren't too many restaurants around. The pop and crackling sound of a campfire soon brought his mind into focus. The smell was coming from his own camp!

Ranma quickly leapt out of his sleeping bag and pulled open his tent flap. Outside in the morning air was Ryoga, who was happily seated next to the campfire cooking some sort of stew. He whistled a happy tune, all the while stirring the contents of the pleasant smelling concoction with a wooden ladle.

"Oh, good morning, Ranma! Are you hungry?" he said after noticing Ranma awake.

"How the HELL did you find me??"

"Well, heheh… I'm not really sure," admitted Ryoga, "but I guess it was love that guided me to you."

"Shut up!! What is wrong with you?"

The other boy looked perplexed. "What do you mean? I'm in love with you. Isn't this how a lover is supposed to act?"

Ranma gritted his teeth while cracking his knuckles. "Get this through your thick skull, pig-boy. YOU are NOT in LOVE with ME!!! Get it?"

"But, I am!"

"NO YOU'RE NOOOOTTTT!!!!" Ranma screamed at the top of his lungs. His tantrum left him short of breath, and a vein stood out from his forehead.

"Gee, darling. You don't look to well." Ryoga picked up a bowl filled with his stew and handed it to Ranma. "Why don't you sit down and eat?"

Ranma's eye twitched. D-d-d-darling??? "Did you just call me 'darling'?"

Ryoga nodded.

Ranma crushed the bowl of stew in his hand, causing the contents to spill out. "I AM NOT YOUR DARLING!!!!"

"Why not?"

Exasperated, Ranma grabbed the other boy by the collar. "Cause we're both guys, stupid!"

Ryoga smiled, and his tense shoulders sagged in relief. "Is that all?" He disengaged himself from a red-faced Ranma and went over to his pack. After a few moments of searching, he returned with a canteen, whose contents he poured over Ranma's head. "There."

"W-what was that for??!" sputtered a now female Ranma.

"Now you're a girl, and I'm a boy. Problem solved." Ryoga smiled. "So, darling, you hungry?"

Ranma screamed as she leapt for Ryoga. She then began pounding him into the countryside. "I-" pound "-AM-" smash "-NOT-" crack "-YOUR-" whop "-DARLING!!!" 

After making sure that the lost boy was thoroughly unconscious, Ranma packed up her belongings, ate Ryoga's stew, then left the camp.

Akane was not in a good mood. As was to be expected, the reason for her sour disposition was Ranma. Her rage only grew in scope as she mentally replayed the events that had occurred last night. Just to make it interesting, I have compiled the events in an easy to read list located below:

Stuff Ranma Did Last Night to Piss Off Akane

1) After being 12.22 minutes late for dinner, Ranma burst into the house covered in dust, sat rudely without a word of apology at the dinner table, and then proceeded to eat like a pig.

2) Halfway through the meal, Ranma began badmouthing Ryoga. The "jerk" babbled something about the poor lad acting strange and creepy. Akane remarked that the only one who was acting like a creep was Ranma. Ranma countered by saying that Akane was an uncute, flat-chested tomboy.

3) Ranma had countered by saying that Akane was an uncute, flat-chested tomboy. Thus dinner ended, since no one can eat very well on a broken dinner table.

4) Ranma left on a training trip during the night. Akane was certain he was doing it just to annoy her. The creep always did that sort of thing.

5) Ranma wasn't here. Because of his absence, Ranma couldn't be present to annoy Akane.

This fact aggravated her even more, because if he were physically there to annoy her she could always just hit him. With him gone, she couldn't do anything to ease her frustration.

Thus was her mood when she answered a knocking at the door. Waiting outside the front door was a rather old Chinese gentleman wearing a worn brown suit. His nervous features strongly contrasted with Akane's frowning one. This fact only seemed to make him even more anxious.

Akane saw this and calmed a bit. After all, she couldn't let her irritation at Ranma allow her become rude to a stranger, could she?

"Can I help you?" she asked, smiling.

The old man seemed to relax slightly at the gesture. "Yes, miss. I was told that a young, red-haired lady lived here."

_Great_, she thought. _What did that idiot do now?_

"Um, yes," she answered aloud. "He, I mean, she lives here. But I'm afraid she's left on a trip."

The old man turned crestfallen at hearing this bit of information. Akane became worried. What was going on? "Uh, is there something wrong?"

The man seemed to grow nervous again. He coughed loudly before speaking. "Yes, I am afraid there is. My name is Mr. Po, and I run an antique shop downtown. Your young friend bought something from me a few weeks ago: an old antique fishing rod, one without a hook…"

"Yes, I think he used it at the fishing contest," Akane answered. She frowned. The jerk had broken a suction cup off of one of her plush toys to replace the stupid hook on the fishing line; whoever heard of such a ridiculous thing to do?

"Oh, I do hope I am not too late…" said Mr.Po.

"Look, what's going on here? Is Ranma in trouble?"

"She very well may be," Mr.Po reached into his pockets and produced a small sheet of paper, which he handed to Akane. "I believe that the fishing rod I sold her may be…" dramatic pause "…cursed."

Akane blinked loudly. Cursed? Not again…

"I found that piece of paper last night, near where I sold your friend the fishing rod. I guess it must have fallen off…"

She looked down at the worn sheet of paper in her hand and began to read. The print was worn, but not hard to make out. They said:

NEW!!! THE KOI ROD OF LOVE, V.3.0! CATCH THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE, ANYTIME, ANYWHERE. GUARANTEED TO WIN HIS/HER/ITS LOVE, OR YOUR MONEY/SOUL BACK!!!

-THE MALAYAN FISH GODS OF LOVE

"You have GOT to be kidding me," Akane stared dumbfounded at the sheet in her hand.

"I am afraid not," said Mr.Po sadly. "I have heard of these Malayan gods before. Wherever their mark is left, suffering and hardship are sure to follow…"

"A-are they evil demons who take delight in human misery?"

"Hmm?" Mr. Po blinked, as if confused. "Oh, no. They mean well enough; they're just extremely incompetent."

"Oh." Akane's head started to hurt.

Ranma rung some water out of her clothes. She was definitely not in a good mood.

She began to curse the sky, curse the ground, and curse the stream she had just fallen into. More importantly though, she cursed that creep Ryoga. It was because of him that her game was off. His weird behavior, coupled with the fact that he seemed to have a knack at finding her wherever she went, had left her thoroughly spooked. Ranma jumped at every noise, every shadow, and every movement, fearing the disturbance to be her bandana-wearing stalker.

_What's gotten into that idiot, anyway?_ she thought. _He can't really be serious about being in –gulp- love with me, could he? No, of course not! He better not!_

She grumbled angry words to herself as she picked up her fishing rod from the streambed. Earlier that morning, she (as a male) had been attempting to catch some fish for breakfast when a movement caught her eye. She thought it was Ryoga and panicked. She tried to bolt, but her feet caught at something and she fell into the stream's cool waters. Later on she found out that the movement was nothing more than a piece of driftwood floating in the water. 

"Oh well, anybody coulda made the mistake," she told herself. "After all, Ryoga's head does resemble a piece a' wood."

Ranma smiled and began her short walk back to camp. As she got closer, her nose caught the distinct aroma of roasting meat. 

_Oh no…_

"Darling!" waved Ryoga from the campfire. He seemed to have caught a rather large killer boar and was roasting its carcass over the fire. "Look! I made breakfast. Doesn't it look delicious?"

Ranma's body trembled with frustration. She felt herself at her limit: any more lunacy from Ryoga would drive her over the edge. _How the HELL does he keep finding me???_

Ryoga seemed to be oblivious to Ranma's present state. He merely smiled, a look of abject love and compassion sparkling in his eyes.

"Are you hungry, Darling? Please say yes!" The boy then turned around and pulled a plush raccoon from his backpack. "I also brought you a present. You like it? I got it from this souvenir shop near-"

As Ryoga talked, the lower corner of Ranma's left eye began to twitch. "Like it? Oh, I love it, Ryoga!"

Ranma's lips broke out into a sinister smile as she accepted Ryoga's gift. Ryoga beamed, happy tears threatening to leak out of his eyes. He had never felt so happy in his life; his beloved had accepted one of his presents with joy! Oh, happy day!!!

His euphoria ended when Ranma cruelly ripped the stuffed animal in half. She then threw the remains onto the ground and began stomping them into the earth. Fur and stuffing flew everywhere, littering the camp with pieces of brown and white fluff.

"Yeah, I love ta rip it open!" Ranma laughed and waited to gauge Ryoga's reaction. 

The boy stood stock still in shock, watching the airborne grains of stuffing fall slowly to the ground like snow. He saw the remains of his gift, once cute and cuddly, now mangled and unrecognizable beneath his beloved's feet.

Slowly, his shocked expression grew grim. His shaking hands soon curled into angry fists. He fought valiantly to remain calm, but realized that he was loosing the battle.

Ranma saw the familiar emotion of rage building up within the lost boy. _Alright!_ _Finally, the Ryoga I know! Just have ta help him out a bit more…_

"Awww, whatsa matter, pig boy?" Ranma asked in mock concern. "Did I break your little dolly? Well, I think you're much too big to be playin' with these toys of yours." She smiled at the way her words were making his face contort. Boy, was he damn easy to manipulate! Time for the coup de ta. "As for your cooking…" 

Ranma walked over to the roasting pig. "It stinks!!!"

With a mighty kick, she sent the meal soaring through the air and off to places unknown. "Ha! Looka that! I guess pigs can fly after all…"

Ryoga watched his dinner fly off into the sunset. He had worked so hard to make it the perfect day for his beloved, yet she cruelly rewarded his efforts by meanly destroying his gift and meal. He loved her so much, yet she treated him like the lowest germ on the evolutionary scale. She was everything to him, yet to her he was nothing. He was below nothing. He wasn't even worthy of her contempt.

He snapped. "Ranma, PREPARE TO DIE!!!"

Ryoga leapt at Ranma, fists swinging. The other martial artists easily evaded his clumsy blows. "Alright! That's the P-Chan we all know and love! Dumb as a rock, stupid as a post!"

"Shut up!" Ryoga shouted as he swung another punch.

As she dodged his attacks, Ranma noticed that the lost boy's form was off. _Hey, what's wrong with pig boy? His stance is sloppy, his attacks are way off their mark, and-_

She suddenly got a good look at his face, the sight of which made her wince. 

Tears streamed from the boy's closed eyes, and his face was red from hurt and pain. She soon realized that his entire demeanor had changed; instead of the usual hate and rage, this time it was grief and sadness fueling his assault.

# Jeeze! He's really serious! Oh, man…

"R-Ryoga…" 

"SHUT UP!" shouted the lost boy, keeping up his relentless attack.

Ranma continued to dodge the ill-aimed punches. Suddenly, she noticed something move at the corner of her vision. Taking a quick glance back, she saw a group of about twenty young people walking towards them.

"Oh, great!" she screamed mentally. "Just what I need. More problems!"

The group stopped in front of Ranma's camp, watching the fight. They were a hiking troupe from a nearby resort and had been walking through the mountain paths when they heard the noises of combat. Following the sounds had brought them to the campsite.

"Gee…" said one teenage boy to the rest. "He seems serious. You think we should help her out or something?"

"No way!" said another boy. "That guy looks like he can take on a truck! Besides, the girl ain't doing so badly."

They continued to watch as Ryoga kept up his assault against the ever-evading Ranma.

"Um, Ryoga…. We're bein' watched here…"

"I DON'T CARE!" He presently paused his punching to catch his breath and wipe his tears. "I loved you SO much…"

"Look, piggy! I told ya to shut up about that!" Ranma snapped.

"NO! You're gonna listen to what I have to say, Ranma!" Ryoga clenched a shaking fist in front of him, his eyes still leaking bitter tears. "I loved you more than myself, more than my life… and you treated me like dirt! DIRT!"

Ranma flinched as she heard sniffles and sad whimpers coming from the hiking troupe.

"That's so sad…" said one girl.

"Yeah," agreed another.

"Why couldn't you just love me back, Ranma?" Ryoga slumped down onto the ground, weeping openly. 

"Damn it, Ryoga! Knock it off ya wuss!" Ranma screamed. "You're a man, aintcha? Start actin' like one and shut up!"

Her words only caused more tears to seep from Ryoga's eyes. Soon he was doing a pretty good Soun Tendo impersonation.

"I said knock it off!" Ranma grabbed Ryoga in a headlock and started to bash her fist into his skull.

"WAAAHAAA! I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH, RANMA!" wailed Ryoga. "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO MEAN TO ME???"

"Shut up, stupid!" Ranma said between blows. "You're embarrassin' me!"

"That bitch!" squealed an outraged girl. "How could she be so cruel to him?"

"Yeah!" shouted another girl. "He's so sweet! Only an uncaring ice queen would treat a cute guy like that so badly!"

"If the situations were reversed, and she was a boy treating a girl so horribly, I would have to beat the crap out of her," said a rather bulky boy.

"She's probably a lesbian…"

"AAAARRGH!!!" screamed Ranma. She gripped at her head in frustration while mentally trying to block out the idiotic conversations coming from the group behind her. 

_This is that idiot Ryoga's fault! Why the HELL do these things keep happenin' to me?_

After calming a bit, she spared Ryoga a quick glance. The lost boy was still weeping on the ground, his shoulders wracked in hysterical sobs. Ranma sighed. She decided that whatever was wrong with him she could find out later; right now the higher priority was to get him to stop his blubbering. She took a deep breath to steady her nerves, and put on "Kawaii Expression #13." (Eyes big and wide and shiny, hands curled into little fists under chin, all topped off with a small dopey smile.)

She knelt beside the weeping Ryoga with KE#13, blinked three times, and said in a cutesy lil' voice, "Oh, darling! I'm sooo very sorry that I was so mean to you. Please forgive me…"

To complete the effect, Ranma turned on Waterworks #3. (Eyes turn watery and shimmering, with little droplets beginning to form at the corners.) The whole look could have melted a Nazi's heart, if any were in the immediate vicinity.

Faster than one could blink, Ryoga ceased his weeping and blurted out, "I forgive you!"

He then grabbed Ranma in his arms and zoomed into the tent with her before she could utter protest.

"Awww," said one of the female hikers. "They made up! They are sooooo cute together!"

"We should leave the lovebirds alone…"

"Yeah," with those words, the hiking troupe began to retreat back into the woods.

"Gee… wonder what sorta fun stuff they're doin' in there…"

SMACK!

"Shut up, you perv!"

Akane kicked the boar into the distance. It flew in a graceful ark over the horizon before disappearing into a white speck.

"Honestly!" she shouted between huffing breaths. "How many giant killer boars are out here? That was the third one I came across!"

After regaining her breath, she continued her hike up the mountain. She was dressed in a blue parka with matching blue hiking pants, which also matched the heavy blue back pack she had strapped to her back.

"Ranma, where the heck are you?"

Akane took out a worn looking map from her pocket and checked it against the landmarks of the woody terrain around her. Not making heads or tails whatsoever from the map, she angrily crumpled it into a ball and threw it at a tree.

She had spent the past two days trudging around the woods, sleeping in a sleeping bag, and getting drenched in the rain looking for Ranma. She had told herself that she wasn't here because she missed him, or that she was worried about him. She merely wanted to get that accursed fishing rod away from him; after all, who knows what kind of damage that pervert would do with such a tool.

Akane sighed as she continued her hike. Her stomach suddenly grumbled, a daily alarm telling her that her body needed sustenance. 

_Great! Not only am I tired and cold, but now I'm hungry, too!_

She decided to ignore her stomach and press on. She had to find Ranma. She just had to.

"Saay aahh!" 

"Aaaaaaah…" Ranma opened her mouth wide as Ryoga placed a spoonful of curry into it. She smiled as she chewed the meal, making Ryoga smile in return.

Two hours had passed since the incident with the hiking troupe, and in that time the lost boy had managed to cook up an entire meal fit for a king. The two sat next to each other inside the tent, surrounded by steaming morsels of fine cuisine. Ranma wouldn't have minded eating, but the idiot insisted on feeding it to her as if she were some type of infant.

"Say aahh!"

God, she so desperately wanted to whop him. "Aaaaahhh…"

Between bites, Ranma began to formulate a plan on how to escape the strange predicament she had gotten herself into. She knew that fighting Ryoga was out; whatever had turned him into a lovesick loonatic also turned him into a weepy-weasel. However much she wanted to commit violence upon the idiot, her sense of honor would not allow her to harm him in his "weakened" condition. In other words, it wouldn't be right to beat up on a crazy person.

Not that Ryoga was ever that sane to begin with.

Whatever she would decide to do, Ranma knew that she had to do it soon. She couldn't take much more of this lovey-dovey treatment.If she could only get away from him for a few weeks, then she would have the time to formulate a plan. But this seemed impossible to do, since wherever she went, pig boy followed. It was as if he was drawn to her magnetically, an idea that gave her goose bumps.

An idea suddenly struck her. If she couldn't get herself away from him, maybe she could get HIM away from her. She grinned deviously, turning her attention back to Ryoga.

"Say aaah…. huh?" Ryoga noticed her evil look.

"Oh, Ryoga…" said Ranma seductively. She moved herself closer to where he sat, eliciting a squeal of surprise from the now nervous lost boy. She chuckled huskily, and brought her lips close to his ear. He felt the warmth of her breath as she whispered, "I'm not hungry anymore. Let's do something…. else."

"S-s-s-s-s-s-something else?" Ryoga muttered. Uh oh…

Ranma smiled and nodded. She retreated a little and began to unbutton her silk shirt. Ryoga watched as her small delicate fingers slowly undid the front clasps of the Chinese garment. His eyes bugged out of his skull, and his hands shot up to cover his nose. He felt light-headed, and knew that at any moment now his nose would begin to leak blood.

Ranma finished undoing the first two buttons. Her right hand then leisurely pulled back the left half of her shirt. Bit by bit, her gentle flesh was exposed to his view, until her smooth shoulder became bare. 

This was more than Ryoga could take, and soon blood was flowing freely from his nose and away from his brain. He quickly fainted, collapsing in a dead heap.

Ranma laughed and began to make herself decent again. _Ryoga, you are just waay too easy._

After scarfing down the remainder of the meal, Ranma initiated "Operation: Porky Gotta Go." This plan, like most of her other schemes, was complex and full of intrigue. The aim was to get the lost boy as far away from her for a while, so that she might have some time to formulate an even grander strategy whose aim would be more permanent. 

To achieve this goal, Ranma planned to turn Ryoga into a piglet, then mail him to the moon.

_Yes, _she thought to herself, hands rubbing in anticipation. _This plan's perfect! It'll take pig boy a while to get back, giving me the time I need to figure out what's wrong with him and solve it. Then I'll be free! FREE!FREEEEE!!!!_

Ranma laughed maniacally as she over turned a pitcher of water onto Ryoga. 

Akane wandered into Ranma's campsite just a few hours later. Unfortunately, she found nothing but an empty tent. Judging by the messy dishes though, Ranma was not far off. 

"Where are you, Ranma?" asked Akane. Despite her annoyance with him, she was worried. Knowing Ranma, he probably got himself into a deep load of trouble concerning that cursed fishing rod. "Speaking of the koi rod, where is it?"

Akane looked around the campsite for a few minutes before finding the item in question lying haphazardly outside the tent. It seemed none the worse for wear, with the exception of a slightly tangled line. 

"Ranma, what were you doing with this thing?" She wondered, picking up the less-than threatening-looking cursed instrument. 

Her eye soon caught sight of a large heap lying next to the extinguished campfire. Akane walked over to it and stared. Her left eye twitched in shock when she recognized Ryoga's belongings. What was he doing here?

His backpack and umbrella had been dumped next to the fireplace, but the sight that set her teeth on edge was a pile of clothing next to it. They were the lost boy's usual yellow shirt and black pants, and next to these was his… underwear. The clothes had been dumped carelessly next to the fire, as if strewn off in a moment of…. passion. Gulp.

"He wouldn't!" Even though she denied it, Akane's habit of always believing the worst in Ranma prevented her from actually believing her words. "That… that…THAT PERVERT!!!"

Enraged, Akane clutched the cursed fishing rod in an angry fist and stormed off to kill her fiancé.

"Soon I'll be free… yeah, free!" Ranma mumbled. All was going according to plan. She was currently making her way through the woods, pig boy securely in her arms, en route to the post office where porky would be sent via priority mail straight to the moon! Yes, even Ryoga would find it difficult to make his way back to Nerima from there.

Ranma was mentally calculating how much the postage would be when she felt something poke at her chest. She looked down to see P-Chan, who was wide-awake and extremely happy, getting "better acquainted" with her bosom. The redhead screamed.

"Ryoga, you PIG!!!" Ranma angrily kicked Ryoga into the stratosphere. As the flush in her cheeks went away, she muttered, "Oh, well. I guess sending him the direct route was just as good."

Ranma was about to head off back to camp when her acute hearing picked up the sound of running feet. It took her a moment to find the direction the sound was coming from, and even when she did, she could not believe it. How was it possible?

She stood dumbstruck as Ryoga, in human form and fully clothed, came running full steam towards her from the direction in which she had punted him. The lost boy had a familiar look on his face, a look Ranma recognized from the numerous battles she had fought with other martial artists. Hell, she had worn that expression herself. 

It was the look of dogged determination; it was an unbending resolve to strive on and never give up. When wearing that look, you either achieved victory, or wound up dead. It was a scary look.

As far as Ranma was concerned, the expression was made even scarier now that loony Ryoga was wearing it. The lost boy skidded to a halt and stood before of the pig-tailed martial artist, his eyes shining strangely. His mouth was carved into a stiff frown, and his hands were clenched tightly into angry fists.

"R-Ryoga? How'd you ch-change so _fast_?" 

"Love allows me to do the impossible!" The boy shouted. "I'm sick of your games, Ranma! It's time we end this…"

"Games? What the hell are you talkin' about?" Ranma tried to sound annoyed, but her voice kept quivering. Hey, she couldn't help it; Ryoga was _really _creeping her out.

"Don't play coy with me! I know what you're up to!" Ryoga growled and raised his fist angrily. "Ever since I've known you in junior high, you've used me. You knew my feelings towards you, yet you _never_ returned them. You teased me, beat me, tormented me every second of every day! I was nothing but a plaything to you, a pawn in your cruel little love games!" 

_Love games? _

"Well I've had it!" Ryoga began to inch menacingly towards Ranma. Although intellectually she knew she could take him down, the strangeness of the situation was preventing her from focusing. The redhead found herself backing away from the crazed martial artist as he crept closer. She had never seen him like this before; he was like a cornered and desperate animal, ready to do whatever it took to escape. 

"L-l-look, Ryoga… knock it off, will ya! Yer just embarrassin' yourself, you know!" Ranma raised her hands in front of her as she slowly retreated from his advancing form. "You're not well right now. Somethin's happened to you, I don't know what, but I promise ya I'll fix it as s-soon as I, er… we get back to the city. Okay?"

Ryoga snarled. "I've had ENOUGH of your lies! The only sick one here is you! How dare you toy with my affections? I'll teach you… I'll show you how much I love you, even if I have to break every bone in your stupid little body to prove it…"

She quickened her retreat as he advanced further. "You stay away from me!"

The boy smiled. "Don't worry, Ranma… we're here in the middle of nowhere." He waved his hands around the empty forest, as if to emphasize the point. "No matter how much you scream, no matter how loud your pleas are, no one will EVER bother us out here…"

"W-what are you gonna do?" Ranma turned pale as she realized his intent. H-he wouldn't! Ryoga may be a lunatic, but he wasn't that kind of guy was he? Of course, lately he wasn't acting like himself, but that wasn't an excuse! Was it?

Panic engulfed her already shaken nerves when she suddenly found herself backed up into a tree. She was cornered! Ryoga bore down on her.

"I should've done this a long time ago!" He reached out for her.

Ranma screamed. Her instincts kicked in, and she forgot her momentary terror as her right arm sailed towards the boy's face in an expert jab. Unfortunately, Ryoga saw the attack coming and intercepted it; her right hand was now firmly clutched in his.

Before Ranma could break out of his grip, Ryoga dropped to one knee and pulled a small black box from of his pocket. He opened it, revealing a beautiful diamond ring sitting snugly inside its velvet interior.

Puzzled at this strange turn of events, Ranma muttered an "um…" before turning paler at the realization of what was transpiring.

"Even though you treat me like dirt," said Ryoga, "living without you would make me feel even worse. Will you marry me, Ranma?"

Akane was all but about to give up her search when she heard familiar shouts and screams coming from a nearby clearing a few yards away. As she approached, she thought she could see two figures engaged in deadly combat. The closer she got, the more the figures seemed familiar. She soon stood at the edge of the clearing, and beheld the recognizable silhouettes of Ranma and Ryoga fighting in the moonlight.

Well, at first she thought it was fighting. As she watched the two martial artists more, she quickly realized that only one was seriously trying to fight. The other was merely running away and attempting to placate the other.

"Stop running away from me like a sissy and take yer killing like a man!" shouted Ranma's familiar female voice.

"Really, Ranma," said Ryoga. "You have plenty of time to decide whether or not to accept…"

"Time? I don't need time, ya idiot! All I need is your thick head cracked open by my fist!" Ranma leapt at the fleeing boy, but Ryoga managed to dodge the enraged half-girl. "Come 'ere, you twit! I'll teach ya to PROPOSE to me!"

Ranma leapt at the lost boy, who again managed to dodge. Ryoga wore a bemused expression on his face; it was as if he enjoyed the other's attempts at killing him. 

_Oh, well, _he thought, _whatever attention my love shows me is golden. Even if she is trying to murder me…_

Akane watched dumbstruck as the two leapt around the clearing, one trying to fight while the other merely dodged her attempts. She could see that Ranma's face was red from anger and over-exertion. This state seriously affected her focus, which Ryoga took full advantage of. Akane knew that if Ranma had been clear-headed at the moment, the lost boy wouldn't have stood a chance.

In order to regain her spent energy, Ranma stopped attacking Ryoga so as to take a quick breather. She leaned against a nearby tree, inhaling air deeply. The redhead silently cursed herself for expending so much of her strength in such a haphazard fashion; if she didn't start to think more clearly, she was done for.

Akane gasped when she looked at her fiance's face. Ranma looked really bad, as shock, fear and revulsion seemed to twist her features in a distressing way. She looked nothing like her usual confident self; whatever happened to her must have really been awful…

"Ranma?" Ryoga had concerned look on his face. "Darling, you look tired. Why don't we go back to camp, and you can get some rest…"

"SHUT UP!" screamed a frustrated Ranma. "WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU? WHY ARE YOU DOIN' THIS TO ME? LEAVE ME ALONE!!! DON'T COME NEAR ME! DON'T TALK TO ME! DON'T EVEN LOOK AT ME!" 

Ranma's outburst caused her already labored breathing to become even more so. Her lungs wheezed loudly as she huffed in exasperation. After a few moments, her breathing returned to normal. She used this opportunity to shout again. "AND DON'T CALL ME DARLING!"

Akane watched the bizarre scene in confusion. What was going on? Her earlier hypothesis about Ranma using the rod to seduce Ryoga seemed wrong; Ranma wouldn't be this upset if that were her intent. No, something else was wrong.

She looked down at the fishing rod held tightly in her grip. Of course! The idiot must have somehow accidentally snagged Ryoga with the cursed rod, and now had to deal with the consequences. Poor Ryoga…

_More to the point, poor Ranma_, thought Akane. She had to do something.

"Ranma!" she shouted. 

The redhead drew her attention from Ryoga and saw the dark-haired girl standing just outside the clearing. Ranma's face broke into a relieved smile; she had never been so happy to see anyone else in her life. The night had been like a never-ending nightmare; it was like she and Ryoga were the only living people left on the planet. 

"A-Akane! Am I glad to see you!" she shouted. Of course, at the moment, she would have been glad to see anyone other than pig-boy; hell, even Kuno would have been a pleasant sight. She wisely kept this information to herself, though.

"Akane? What are you doing here?" A puzzled look appeared on Ryoga's face. Then something in his head seemed to click, and he knew the answer. Of course, since his mind was about as sharp as a polished bowling ball, he jumped to the wrong conclusion. "You floozy! You're here to take Ranma, aren't you! Well, you can't have her! She's MINE!!!"

"F-floozy?" Akane's notoriously insane temper began to rise. Fortunately for all involved, she reminded herself that Ryoga was under the control of the cursed koi rod and wasn't responsible for his words and actions. She quickly calmed down. "Ryoga, wait. It's not what you think. I came here to help you."

"Help me?" asked Ryoga. 

"Help HIM?" Ranma felt betrayed by his fiancé; she should've come here to help her, not the stupid pig-boy! She hid her disappointment under a mask of anger. "Are you nuts? He's the one acting like a lunatic, and you came to help HIM?! Jeez, Akane, you need to get your head on straight…"

Akane ignored her fiance's outburst and walked over to the two confused martial artists. She took out a crumpled piece of paper from her parka and handed it over to Ryoga. The lost boy looked puzzled as he started to read it.

"Malayan fish gods?" mumbled a baffled Ryoga. Akane nodded.

"H-hey!" shouted Ranma. The two's whispered mutterings began to get on her nerves. "What's goin' on? What's that note say?"

Ryoga sighed and crumpled the piece of paper in his hands. He had a calm, serene look on his face. To Ranma, it looked as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. 

"Remember this?" The lost boy took the koi rod from Akane and held it up for Ranma to see. The redhead recognized it as the fishing pole she had used to win the contest.

"Yeah, that's my fishin' rod. So?"

Ryoga sighed. "That note said that this thing's got a curse on it; whatever you catch with it winds up falling madly in love with you…"

"I get it!" Ranma smiled and hit an open palm with the bottom of her fist. "When I snagged ya before, the curse must'a took effect! So that's what had you actin' so weird! Oh, god, is this a load off my mind!" 

Ranma yelped and leapt away as a suction cup zipped through the air, narrowly missing her heart. When she landed, Ranma brought her startled gaze towards Ryoga.

"What the hell are you doin'?"

The bandana-clad boy twirled the koi rod in his fingers and smiled evilly. "The gods must really like me, Darling. They brought me the perfect instrument to catch your heart…"

Damn it, she should've known. Ryoga was too nutsy at the moment to care whether or not he was under a curse. She should have also realized that the lovesick lunatic would use whatever means he had to win her affection. And since presents, romantic meals, and forced marriage didn't cut it, he figured a magical love-inducing fishing rod would do the trick.

Yep, she was screwed.

Akane watched in shock as Ryoga readied the fishing line for another cast. She leapt forward and grabbed his sleeve. "Ryoga, don't!"

The crazed lost boy snarled in rage and batted her aside with his arm. "Don't interfere, Akane! This is between me and Ranma!"

The blow itself wasn't very forceful, but because of Ryoga's monstrous strength, it sent Akane flying backwards towards the tree line. She hit one young sapling hard, knocking the wind out of her.

Ranma saw her fiancé go down and lost it. Her previous feelings of fear and revulsion quickly vanished as anger and rage filled her heart. It was one thing for the crazy pig-boy to attack her, but when he hurt Akane, he crossed the line. Curse or no curse, Ryoga was going down…

"Ryoga!"

The lost boy flinched at the tone in Ranma's voice. It sounded serious and full of murderous intent. He looked over at the diminutive redhead, and noted her calm, focused expression. 

"Listen up, pig boy!" Ranma clenched her fists and slowly advanced towards Ryoga; this time it was the lost boy's turn to back away. "This ends now. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY gets away with hurtin' Akane like that!"

Akane heard this and rose unsteadily to her feet. "R-Ranma! Don't hurt him, he doesn't know what he's doing!"

Ranma, although she didn't answer her back, was extremely relieved to see that Akane wasn't hurt too badly. She kept her bearing focused, though, as she spoke again. "Alright, Ryoga. Here's the deal. We fight, one last time. If you win, I'll give up. I'll do whatever you want, no complaining, no nothin'." Ryoga's grim look turned hopeful for a moment. "BUT, if I win, you gotta promise never to come near me or Akane again, got it?"

Ryoga was torn. Here stood his beloved, so calm and strong, presenting him a chance to win her heart. But the price for failure was also great; if he lost, he was to give up the only thing in the world that mattered to him. If he lost, he wasn't sure he could survive the separation.

Oh, but if he _won_! The prospect of having her to himself was worth the chance of losing his life! What was the worth of his measly existence without her? Nothing. She was his light, his shining beacon in a cold, dark, unforgiving world. 

He'd rather die than not have her.

Ryoga took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He then looked down at the koi rod in his hand and smiled. That was the choice: _Love or death…._

The lost boy looked up and gazed into his beloved's beautiful blue eyes. "I'm ready."

The two dropped into fighting stances and readied themselves for combat.

The boy once known as Capt. Karp thought about his life, and the miserable squalid pile of putridity it had become. He was so happy once, working for the Roman Gods, disbursing love and joy throughout the world. But all that changed when the Roman religion went out of business. With the era's end, his happy-go-lucky existence came to a halt.

Money became an ever-increasing problem for him. Used to a lifetime of wealth and luxury, the unemployed god soon incurred numerous debts. To pay for his expenses, Karp knew he had to find another job and fast.

Unfortunately, this proved rather difficult. Ever since the advent of monotheism and its spread, gods like him had had tough times. There was very little in regard to openings for gods of love, and he had to take several part-time positions as low-level deities before he found his current gig. Sure, the majority of the world most likely had never heard of the Malayan Fish Gods of Love, but they had openings for love gods and Karp couldn't afford to be picky.

Karp sighed. He had been so happy to find work in his chosen career again; who knew it would turn out to be so disastrous? How the HELL could his first assignment have gone so awry?

He was assigned by his superiors to help along the budding relationship of one Akane Tendo and one Ranma Saotome. The case had been a difficult one for Karp's predecessor, and there were many rumors that it was the reason for the old man's untimely… um… departure from the agency. Karp at the time was not worried; he was, after all, the most famous love god of them all. He loved a good challenge.

Of course, had he known what awaited him on this assignment, he would probably have asked to be assigned another case. Oh well, too late now.

Karp's original plan was to use a focusing device to increase the devotion already in the couple's hearts. He knew that Ranma and Akane were already deeply in love with each other; all they needed was a little push in order to get their feelings out in the open. A mystical focusing device, like an arrow from one of his old bows, would have done the trick.

Unfortunately, the Deity Council had banned the use of love arrows some fifty years ago. The group had cited numerous complaints about the items leaving scars on their recipients. The only device currently (and cheaply) available to him now was the idiotic Koi Rod of Love, version 3. Although the device was a remarkable improvement over the first two models, it still had its drawbacks. Firstly, the rod had a limited range. Karp was used to shooting love arrows from more than a hundred feet away, usually behind a bush. He found that couples were usually more susceptible to falling in love when they didn't see him shooting arrows at them. Without the aid of stealth, Karp was unsure of the rod's effectiveness.

Another was that you had to hit the target's heart directly in order for the spell to work. This meant that whoever the caster was, he or she had to be extremely precise and accurate. If the line hit the target's heart, then all was fine and dandy. But if it missed and latched onto some other part of the target's body, well… that wouldn't be so fine and dandy.

Perhaps the most vital disadvantage to the rod was the fact that whoever got caught in its line would fall in love with the caster, not the person the caster wanted him/her to fall in love with. This was a significant shortcoming, and the love god was beginning to miss his old bow and arrow more and more.

If Karp wanted to use the rod, he had to trick one of the two teenagers into using it on the other. But which one?

After following the couple around for a few days and watching their actions, Karp easily settled for the boy. Ranma's overly macho pride would make him an easy puppet to be used for his scheme.

And so, the game was afoot. In order for the plan to work, he had to get the rod into his target's hands. Karp pretended to be a martial arts fisherman and challenged the Saotome boy to a fishing contest; after some strategically placed taunts and teases, the foolish boy accepted. Karp then turned invisible and followed the youth around until the opportunity presented itself for him to bestow the koi rod without suspicion. He found the perfect moment when his target entered an antique shop. Whilst the old shop keeper and the now female Ranma's attentions were elsewhere, the love god placed the rod on one of the shelves and watched intently as his target took the bait. 

All had been going according to plan. Karp surmised that when Ranma found the note that came with the rod, he would of course decide to use it on his fiancé. The rod's magic would then release the girl's suppressed feelings for him, thereby securing her love and the two would live happily ever after. 

Yes, that was how it was _supposed _to go. But Fate, another god, had a sadistic sense of humor. She reveled in causing misery to others. No one was safe from her insane practical jokes; not even the most powerful gods in the continuum were immune. Karp often wondered why the higher ups tolerated her presence for so long.

The first part of Fate's joke occurred when the instructions for the rod fell off, and was left with the shopkeeper. Without the note, Ranma would have no idea what he had, therefore he would not be able to use it on Akane and fulfill his destiny. This absolutely ruined Karp's plan, but unfortunately, the worse was yet to come.

The second phase of Fate's joke happened when Ryoga Hibiki chose that fateful moment to cross that bridge. If the lost boy had chosen another route, or had gotten to the bridge some seconds sooner or later, none of this mess would ever have happened. But of course, in order for Fate's joke to work, the poor Hibiki boy had to cross that bridge at the precise moment when the koi rod's line was cast. And, alas, the rest is history.

Now, because of Fate's interference, Karp would take the heat for whatever consequences occurred from of the mess-up. His superiors had given him one last chance to fix the problems his blundering had caused. He knew he was being shafted due to inter-celestial politics, but he had little choice but to obey. He couldn't afford to lose his job; who knows when another opening would come up? He had to fix things, and fix things quick.

Karp sighed again as he trudged through the forest's thick vegetation, in search of his wayward charges.How did his life ever get so damn complicated?

Akane watched in amazement as the two martial artists before her squared off. The battle was fierce, and both fighters held nothing back. The usual taunts and declarations of hate were absent, and no sounds could be heard except for the occasional whoosh of a jab or the thudding of a blocked hit. The two rivals were completely focused on achieving victory.

The battle had been going on for quite some time, and Akane was surprised at how well Ryoga was holding his own against a completely focused Ranma. She then realized that Ryoga was completely focused as well. Unlike previous matches, the lost boy showed none of the usual rage and hatred directed at his opponent; emotions were now completely absent from his face. 

As the fight dragged on, Ranma became worried. Although she was completely focused, Ryoga was still managing to match her moves. She knew ending the match quickly would work in her favor; the longer this fight dragged on, the more likely the chances Ryoga had of winning. Something had to be done…

Ranma dodged one of Ryoga's puches, and used the opportunity to leap away onto a nearby tree branch. She looked down at her opponent and smiled. "Come on, P-chan! Is that the best you can do? I mean, really. You are pathetic! If you wanna win my affections, pig-boy, you really gotta do better than that."

Ranma waited patiently for the familiar rage to build within the other and burst. Unfortunately, what she got was a completely different reaction.

Ryoga merely nodded and said, "You're right. I'm sorry, my love."

He then leapt forward with surprising speed and rammed his fist into the tree she was standing on. The tree shook violently before exploding into a cloud of sawdust The resulting sound and fragments shook the forest to its roots.

Ranma had attempted to leap away from the branch she had perched on, but she was caught in the blast and sent flying. A chunk of wood impacted painfully at the back of her neck, causing her a moment of dizziness. Fortunately, the redhead managed to regain her composure in mid-air and managed to land on her feet.

Coughing from the dust still hanging in the air, she attempted to locate her adversary in the darkness. This was somewhat difficult, owing to the dirt and dust still floating in the air. She strained her senses to the limit, hoping to see, hear or feel any sign of her crazed opponent.

Suddenly, her hearing caught the sound of something whishing through the air towards her. Her left hand shot up instinctively and caught something: it was a thin fishing line with a suction cup attached to the end. Ranma turned pale as she recognized her peril; if she had reacted just a split second too late, she would have been cursed to be as madly in love with Ryoga as he was with her. 

"Looks like I caught something," said a familiar voice.

The line in her hand suddenly grew taught, and Ranma was yanked forwards and into the air. She let go of the line and landed some several feet away, only to be forced to leap away again as the suction-cupped end of the koi line whished past her. 

"Hey, no fair Ryoga!" she shouted. The dust had cleared, which allowed her to spot the lost boy some several meters away. 

He was smiling smugly, as if victory were already in his grasp. He reeled in the line and readied it for another cast. "Oh, but it is, my love. You never said anything about what weapons were allowed in the match! With this koi rod, my victory is assured!"

Ranma leapt away as the line was cast. It sailed past her, narrowly missing, and continued on into some bushes. The redhead glared at Ryoga as she landed several feet away him.

"I thought ya had honor, Ryoga. I guess I was wrong…" 

Ryoga withered under the redhead's intense glare. Tears began forming in his eyes as his conscience tingled with guilt. "I-I'm sorry, Ranma. I know what I'm doing is wrong, but compared to you, my honor means nothing to me. You're the most important thing in my life… I'll die without you…" His look of abject misery and longing brought tears to Akane's eyes; even Ranma's angry stare softened.

"Ryoga…" Akane spoke, walking closer to the cursed boy. "You have to understand… what you're feeling isn't real. It's just an effect of the curse you're under."

"NO!" screamed the lost boy. Tears of pure agony ran down his cheeks, and his knuckles turned white from gripping the koi rod too tightly in his hands. "I refuse to believe that! How can my love for Ranma be fake? It isn't possible! IT ISN'T POSSIBLE!!!"

"Ryoga," Ranma's spoke. "Listen to me. Think back. You know we're telling you the truth, don't you? You remember all the times you tried to kill me? Remember how much you hated me, and blamed me a buncha stupid stuff? Huh? That's the part of you that's real, not this…"

The two girls stood in shocked silence as Ryoga's heart warred with his intellect. He knew that what they had told him was the truth; he remembered how he felt towards Ranma in the days before the koi rod snagged him. He knew he shouldn't have been feeling what he was feeling, and that his emotions at the moment were likely to be induced by magic. Unfortunately, reason and emotion are two separate things. While his brain told him one thing, his heart told him another. And those who knew Ryoga knew that his heart was much bigger than his brain.

"NO! It isn't true! My love for Ranma is real! It's real! It's REAL!!!" 

He then added more softly, "How can something so wonderful not be?"

Ryoga drew the line back, and prepared another cast. The eyes that met Ranma's were red and shone with unfathomable longing. _Death or love…_

Ranma sighed sadly and prepared herself. "Sorry, Ryoga," she thought to herself. "I'm gonna have to knock some sense into you. You'll thank me later…"

"Ranma…" With those words, Ryoga screamed and hurled the line forwards. It sailed through the air, confidently straight, as if intent on catching the object of its master's affection.

Ranma waited patiently, and watched as the suction cup at the end of the line sped closer towards her. Time seemed to slow and everyone held their breaths; the entire world appeared to await the outcome of these last few moments…

As the suction cup made its decent towards her heart, the focus of Ryoga's obsession leapt elegantly in the air. With equal grace, she spun her small form around in a wide arc and performed a swift spinning kick. Her foot connected with the line's suction cup and sent it flying through the air, back towards the caster. 

Ryoga watched with fascination and horror as the line flew up, over, and then down towards him. For some reason, he was unable to move, and merely watched the line fall and land softly on his chest. When suction cup attached to his heart, he felt an intense pain erupt from the area. He screamed in agony, as he sensed a strange suction coming from within his chest. It felt as if his body was being drained of something warm and vital, and he was both distressed and blissful at its loss. 

Ryoga cried as he felt his heart break.

Ranma used this moment of distraction to her advantage. Running at break-neck speed, she reached Ryoga and grabbed the koi rod from his hands. With a snarl, she brought all of her strength to bear as she used the rod to hurl the lost boy up into the air. Ryoga was thrown into the night sky, and with a pop, the suction-cup detached from his chest.

Ranma watched his rival's form disappear into the horizon. After a few minutes of cold silence, she convinced herself that he wasn't coming back. The koi rod fell from her limp grip, and she laughed hysterically before collapsing onto the ground.

"Ranma!" screamed Akane. She ran towards her fiancé, and knelt next to the still-laughing redhead. After a moment of non-stop hysterics, the small girl regained her composure.

Ranma looked up at Akane and smiled. "It's over! This hell's finally over!"

Akane nodded. She was about to say something when her attention was diverted to a small, writhing form on the ground. She shrieked, causing Ranma to leap up into a defensive stance.

"What is it?" she asked. "Did Ryoga come back?"

"No…" Akane pointed to the ground. Ranma looked in the direction she was pointing and saw nothing but the koi rod. She was about to ask "So what?" when a movement caught her eye. 

Ranma inched closer to the fishing rod and saw a dark, black object flopping on the ground next to it. It was vague, like a shadow, and seemed as insubstantial as one. It looked remarkably like a carp, with its mouth caught on the suction-cupped lure of the fishing line. It flopped around for a few more minutes until like all shadows, it disappeared.

"Wow." Said a mystified Akane.

Ranma smiled. "I guess I don't have ta worry about Ryoga anymore." She thought for a moment, and then revised her statement somewhat. "Well, not a love-sick Ryoga, anyway."

"I hope he's alright," said Akane. "I feel really sorry for him."

Ranma nodded in agreement. Although she hated to admit it, she was rather touched by Ryoga's sentiments even if they were magically induced. Of course, she was also extremely creeped out by them, but she was touched nonetheless. She shook her head to clear away the disturbing thoughts, and promised herself never to think them again.

"Come on, Akane," Ranma said after a while. "Let's go home."

The dark-haired girl smiled and nodded in agreement.

While they walked out of the clearing, Ranma remarked, "Man, am I hungry! Can't wait to get home for some grub. I'm so hungry that I might even eat some of that swill you call cooking, Akane…"

A loud thud could be heard throughout the forest as Ranma's head impacted a nearby tree.

"Idiot."

Karp breathed a sigh of relief. That had been a close one. 

It was indeed excellent luck that he had managed to find his charges in time. Any delay could have proven disastrous to Akane and Ranma, as well as Ryoga. He was just glad that he arrived in the nick of time to cast that reversal spell on the suction cup when it went into the bushes. If he hadn't, the curse on Ryoga would never have been lifted, and Ranma might very well have wound up being Mrs. Ryoga Hibiki! Yipes!

"All's well that ends well," he remarked.

"Indeed." Karp yelped in surprise. He turned around to see a beautiful black-haired woman standing behind him. He recognized her instantly.

"Fate," he bowed. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Oh, just here to congratulate you," she said. "It was excellent how you handled that, truly remarkable. Your superiors should be proud."

"Yeah, well, if you hadn't interfered in the first place, I wouldn't have had to go through this crap," he said bitterly.

"Oh, pish posh!" Fate smiled. "Your superiors wanted to test your skills on this first assignment; I merely added this delightful little bonus to the mission in order to allow them to see how you handle yourself in a stressful situation. I think you did it masterfully."

"Whatever," he mumbled. Karp stayed silent for a few moments, and then broke into a puzzled look. "One thing I don't get, though…"

"What's that, dear?"

"Well, I always thought that the koi rod only brought out someone's repressed feelings of love…"

"It does. So?"

Karp scratched his head. "Well, if that's the case, how come it worked on Ryoga? Under the circumstances, it shouldn't have had any effect on him. So why did it? I mean, he absolutely hates that Saotome kid, right?"

Fate shrugged. "Love, hate, obsession… who's to say these things aren't one in the same?" The goddess smiled and walked over to Karp, interlocking her arm with his. "What's say we celebrate your first success as a Malayan Fish God? My treat! I know of a great sea food place in downtown Manila."

Sea food?

"I, um, think I'll pass…" Karp looked pale.

Ryoga woke up with a splitting headache. He found himself in the middle of a vast desert, with only yellow sand and the occasional tumbleweed to meet his gaze. It looked as if there was no shade, shelter, or water for miles around.

He stood up, took a deep breath, and screamed. "WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW????"

That done, he began to walk. It didn't matter which direction he made for, since he knew that he would probably wind up in the same place no matter which way he went.

"This is all Ranma's fault," he muttered. He didn't know how, but since every misery in his life was Ranma's fault, he figured he'd might as well add this little incident to the list.

"God, I hate that guy," he said.

**THE END**


End file.
